just another part o' my mini-legacy

There's an aspect about the internet that is much more eternal than any other type of record-keeping device. Once you put something out there, it's out of your control. What's done is done; an idea that has always comforted me. This dawned on me while watching a 1993 episode of the X-files about a learning computer taking over its surroundings. That's why i write in this blog, rather than a silly word document. Well, that and the fact that windows vista is evidently more intelligent than i am, and i'm fairly resentful of its accomplishments. I would like to hope that if, or maybe i should say when, one day, technology surpasses us meek humans, my oh-so-important thoughts will be a part of the impending imperialism. What if i never get the chance to do my part to destroy an entire race? I need to get my hostile tendencies out somewhere. Look ma, i'm evil!

Anyways, i'm glad the following wonderment is about to be added into what will eventually lead to the technological apocalypse. And zach, this one's for you champ, if you're out there :). I recognize that clearly i am not totally comfortable with myself in my surroundings all the time. But i don't understand what about attraction makes most people change or overly analyze the way they are. It seems to me that there is no point in going after someone who won't return the same feelings to you, as yourself. In fact, most people harbor qualities that are unique to themselves only, and because of that, people are naturally attracted to you. So where does changing yourself come into play? If anything, one should be overly self-like if they want to have that reciprocated care. The only people who have real game are those who just know how to play their game well enough.

I know too many people who assume that they aren't good enough for someone (including myself) and simply give up on the idea. Lets depict this in a cost-benefit analysis format so that i can get my econ practice in for the day. If you do dare to make a move on someone, you run the risk of getting rejected, and if it's really serious, it can end in full-fledged heartbreaking, tears falling, tub of ice cream, emotional damaging, meg-ryan-movie-watching disaster, but if you get what you want, it's just the opposite. Now, if you see the previously listed costs as too dangerous (that's a lot of meg ryan you'd have to handle), the decision is made to exit the industry and shut down your business in that market. However, you still have invested many fixed inputs, such as emotional commitment, and tons of mental capacity that was wasted on imagining you and that special someone in a wedding gown, or bed covers, or whatever your ideal situation was during the process. And because of this, you end up losing anyways. Now it seems to me that there is no point investing in an idea you know you'll lose by not taking the risk. It's just more practical to go for it. Hey, you might just gain experience from it. Or at least a shitty story you can tell to your friends when you're crying over meg ryan's tribulations about falling in love with a man on the radio, or the same man that happens to run her out of the competitive bookstore business. It's all working towards some greater ends i guess.