Merman pop, merMAN!

As i embark on this new journey to independence and discovery and all that sugar-coated goodness that a protected, simulated-reality, college environment provides, i find more and more that i need something as individual as i am becoming to be solely mine. No one elses, but just Rachels, to have and to hold. What a simple task, one might say. Anti-conformity; it can't be that hard. Well, let me tell you friends, there's a reason the phrase is against the grain. Here i am, nearing the end of my summer as a highschooler, and i am spawning up stream. Not only is the current kicking my ass, but my gills are all muddled up by the goo and filth of useless commercial ideas that society has generated. I've been racking my brain for things to add to better my life and self so that i am the most Rachel Sherman that i can be right now, but i can't seem to find salvation in anything. Maybe i need something new, i thought. Self-mutilation? Paint the holy temple that is my body with an inky, impromptu tattoo? Poke another 5 unnecessary holes somewhere in my skin? Raincheck for when i'm not so impulsive. How about through music? Discover a new band or singer, some diamond in the rough, and follow them cross country on all their tours? Fuck that, maybe i'll start a band and tour on my own. Now an important sidenote for all those who aren't in my head is that i actually thought about that last idea. I'm honestly impressed at how long the proposal floated around in my brain before my 4-fold reason of why not to start a band put me back on track. 1) i'm not musically gifted. i don't write songs, sing, and i can dabble poorly on the piano, which no longer is an individual feeling to me, because everyone who is anyone can do a little dabble. 2) i don't know which hard-core drug would suit me best 3) i know nothing about music theory and 4) i haven't left the fucking bathroom in the passing 30 minutes, you think i can tour? After music, i moved on to the following genres. Jewlery? too pricey. Food? too lazy. Clothing? too naked. All my options are dwindling rapidly. Then i approached it from the flipside. Instead of adding something new, maybe i'll take out something old. After purging half of my closet into an overflowing trashbag, i ended up with half the wardrobe, but no real nirvana. It took some serious thinking, and a couple games of tetris to realize that i think i have to find some redemption through literature. Say what? That's right. Literature. I have spent 18 years of my short-lived, unlearned life avoiding my a-e-i-o-u's, and now karma has come to bite me in the ass. I'm not sure if it's a change of wind or heart, but i have found that reading... can be fun. And not only that, wait till you hear this one, it is informative and enlightens you. Who knew? Throughout the summer i've gone through my fair share of David Sedaris novels, and am moving on to equally quirky, satirical writers. No matter how bizzare the stories seem to be, and how far off course they are from anything in my life, i can consistently relate to what is being said, or mostly, how the writing is presented. The more i read, the more i feel like i could write. Oh, it's a definate change in the wind says i. Untill i think further about my tentative career pathway, i'll leave you with the immortal words of Zoolander: who am i?