aaaaand scene.

If i were to express the last couple of days in accordance to my generation, i think i would have to utilize the age old adage, and by adage i mean acronym, WTF? I don't want to delve into anything too thick for me to flounder in, partly because i don't want to slander the holy name of Bnai Brith camp across the internet like i was so eloquently reminded at staff training, and partly because i don't know how to feel. The only thing i can decide on is that i am completely displaced at this point. With one of my best friends gone (and my only male ventilation system may i remind you), my co counselor out, and a recent but lovely good camp friend along with them, i can't seem to get my feet back on the ground. My poor campers (who i have officially fallen in love with in the most appropriate way possible) now are mommy-less (yes, i thought of myself as the father and cam as the mama bird) and have to deal with all the weird shit that i am spitting at them as a defense mechanism. They are eating it up, but a bystander, and any breathing, thinking, post-pubescent being would see that i'm acting like a freak. All the hype from yesterday has calmed down, but i can't stop myself from looking both back and forward when all i should be doing is focusing on the now. I can't stop replaying the countless hours off, the tears, the car cramming outside of KOA, the irrationality, the attempts to clear things up and the unfinished goodbyes in my head. I know that in the end i will always love this place, but right now this is the last place i want to be. It's just so surreal. I mean, the majority of my childhood that i can remember was written or founded here. All my best friendships were initiated or have blossomed in these cabins, at this dining hall, through the poor sewage system, during frigid showers, and on the rough grass of the infamous hill that kicks my ass year after year every time i have to scale it. In summary, this place and these people are my home, so these feelings of contempt make it feel foreign. Maybe i should join the dishwashing staff. Ouch, that was an unnecessary rude BB camp comment. Disregard it please. I'm in desperate need for a sesh of Clueless in my bed and a box of honey bunches of oats. And to stop myself from growing another vagina due to that ridiculously girlish routine i just admitted. In the play of my BB camp summertime life, this is where the music would escalate, i would drop to my knees and scream out the last definitive words that would echo throughout the theater... CAAAAAAMEEERRYYYYNNNN! Curtain drops.
On a brighter note my roomate facebooked me, and so i am officially starting the real college process: stalking the girl i'm about to scare shitless. I wonder if she has a toaster, because i sure do.